I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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