i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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