dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
