drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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