You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
