K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
