I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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