apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
