i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
