wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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