I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
