my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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