im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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