apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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