i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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