Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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