Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
