Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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