I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
