it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
