I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
