My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
