apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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