If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
