the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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