I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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