Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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