Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
