dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
