dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
