But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it because I queefed?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
