He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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