At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
