just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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