We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
