I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
