he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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