i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
