Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
