He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
