So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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