Jerry, you need to find god
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
