i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
