My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
