My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
