a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
