I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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