Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize