I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
