The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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