so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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