apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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