I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
