Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
