I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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