Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
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