If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
