I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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