Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
