Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
