you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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