She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
