If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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