i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
