Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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