It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
