So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
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Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
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Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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