Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
