I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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